Álvaro Morata, captain of the Spanish national team, has revealed that he experienced episodes of depression and panic attacks during his last season in Madrid, which reached the point where he couldn’t even tie his boots. These struggles heavily influenced his decision to leave Atlético Madrid and move to AC Milan.

“When you go through truly tough times, like depression or panic attacks, it doesn’t matter what your job is or what situation you’re in; you have someone inside you that you have to fight every day and every night,” Morata shared in an emotional interview on Herrera en Cope this Thursday.

He continued, “There came a point where I couldn’t bear it anymore. I thought I wouldn’t be able to put my boots on again. Thanks to Simeone, Koke, Miguel Ángel Gil… my psychiatrist, my coach. We are what people see on social media, but that world isn’t real. I had a breakdown, and there was a moment when I couldn’t even tie my boots.”

Reflecting on his darkest moments, Morata admitted that three months before the European Championship, the idea of being captain felt far from his mind. “I was just wondering if I could play a game again. It’s very delicate, and you realize that the thing you love the most in the world is what you end up hating the most. I was ashamed to be with my kids. Whenever I went out with them, I had an episode. People would ask them about football or something that had happened in previous matches,” he said, describing his final months at Atlético Madrid.

Morata also explained why he decided to leave Atlético for Milan: “At first, I wanted to stay at Atlético. I realized during an interview that I said I didn’t know if I’d continue with the national team because of my age or other things outside of football… and it caused a stir. Some news articles were exaggerated in my opinion, and I realized that this doesn’t happen to me in Italy. People respect me there,” he revealed.